


my devil, my master

by Ghostoshima



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Coughing, Domestic Violence, Drama, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Zack Fair/Cloud Strife, i wrote a goddamn soap opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:47:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostoshima/pseuds/Ghostoshima
Summary: his boyfriend vomits up flower petals & is terrible toward him, his boyfriend continues to vomit up flower petals & he finds it difficult to stay troubled, his boyfriend is terrible toward him & he finds himself thinking about somebody else...
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife, Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	my devil, my master

_"What a disaster, if I let you go.  
I'll be my master, without your control." _

\- Sóley, Lost Ship

“What’s this?!”

Flower petals bundle together on the palm of Sephiroth’s hand, his other grips Cloud’s wrist rather painfully, it leaves him wincing. He wants to speak but only manages to get out a  _ squeak,  _ flinching at his grip.

“I don’t know,” Cloud says. “I really don’t.” His tongue feels coarse in his mouth and his throat feels dry; swallowing is difficult. He squeezes his eyes shut as Sephiroth’s grip tightens. A tiny petal hangs from Sephiroth’s lips, loosely hanging there, there is rage in his eyes. 

“Cloud, what else could this be?”

Cloud avoids looking at him in the eye, the anger makes him feel uneasy, but he dare not speak it. It is already hard enough to stand here and tell Sephiroth that those flower petals mean nothing, that he is going to be alright. 

“... I don’t know! You’re probably not the only one who has it, it could be contagious. We can work this out. Make an appointment—as soon as possible, we’ll go to the doctor together!” 

For a while, it seems Sephiroth’s emotions have subdued, it melts away, a coolness replaces the fire that burned in his eyes. Now, they both stand there, Cloud’s heartbeats slow to a steady pace. He can breathe again. 

“It’ll be alright…” Cloud says. “I’ll make you some tea, maybe that’ll help your throat.” Sephiroth releases his grip, his hand dropping to his side; Cloud massages his wrist. 

“I’d like that.” The harshness in Sephiroth’s tone is gone, he is as calm, collected, and poised as he usually is. He stands with a straightened spine. “I’m sorry.”

In the kitchen, Cloud continues to rub his sore wrist as he boils water. The tea kettle eventually lets out a high-pitched screech, he immediately takes it off the stove, pouring it into two cups, the tea bags float to the top. As he begins to dip the bags, he notices a lone flower petal on the counter; it is white. He picks it up and twirls it between his fingers, he blows it away. The nerves on his face numb, as do the tips of his ears, he doesn’t know what he should be feeling. 

He loves Sephiroth, at least, that is what he keeps telling himself: he loves him, loves him, loves him. That won’t ever change. He is so happy that this man he’s pined for so long has given him a chance and has fallen in love with him. A perfect fairytale ending with a bow wrapped around it. It’s what Cloud always wanted. But his outbursts have been getting worse lately.

He scoops a spoonful of honey in each cup, then he takes it out into the dining room, where Sephiroth sits at the table, coughing into his fist every so often; Cloud’s stomach drops, he looks elsewhere, anywhere but Sephiroth, he didn’t want to look at him with all the shame in his face. Sephiroth thanks him as he sets his cup down but before he could retract his arm, Sephiroth grabs it, pulling him down till their lips meet, he presses a deep, firm kiss onto him, Cloud makes a muffled noise. 

“I love you, you know that, right?” 

Cloud nods. 

Cloud takes his seat on the other side of the dining table, his hand wrapped around the warm cup, watching his reflection within the amber liquid; he doesn’t take a sip. 

“I called the doctor,” Sephiroth says, taking a sip of tea. “I have an appointment this upcoming week—will you come with me?” Cloud nods again. “Perfect. We should do something today, the weather is nice, maybe hit the town for a bit, see what we can do.” Sephiroth stands from the table, without finishing the rest of his tea, heading toward the living room, but before he leaves, he stops in his tracks, squeezing Cloud’s shoulder. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” 

“S—sorry… I’m tired.” Cloud’s head hangs low, with no energy to lift it and look directly at Sephiroth. “We can do whatever you want today.” 

“No, no, I want to do whatever  _ you  _ want, Cloud, it’s only fair that way.” He can hear the smile in Sephiroth’s voice, he seems rather pleased despite the events leading up to that point. 

“I’m happy doing whatever you like.” 

Sephiroth chuckles. “Alright, if you say so.” He heads out, leaving only Cloud and his cup of tea, long cooled over. He hid it behind his teeth, against the cheek, he slides it out—a perfectly yellow petal, straight from Sephiroth’s mouth. 

\---

There’s a bustle of crowds while Cloud and Sephiroth were out, the sunrays bead down against their heads, Cloud is thankful he brought the sunscreen with him that day, he applied some before then, Sephiroth had Cloud apply some on his body for him. His fingertips explored Sephiroth’s ivory skin and he felt nothing. What once would have him shivering now leaves an emptiness. Sephiroth had rubbed his thumb against Cloud’s knuckles—a form of intimacy that Cloud no longer feels. He wonders if Sephiroth is getting desperate, he knows that he saw something in his eyes that morning… 

And Cloud didn’t know how he could help it. 

_ It’s okay, he’s got a doctor’s appointment soon, _ he thinks, as he and Sephiroth are hand in hand, walking alongside the sidewalk. There is a clamminess in Cloud’s hands, he wipes one of them on his jeans, he hopes Sephiroth couldn’t feel anything. For now, Sephiroth is lost in the bliss of the good weather, smiling as he observes the green of the grass beside them. Cloud feels bile in his throat, a tightening in his chest, and once again, he finds himself contemplating… everything. 

“Are you hungry, Cloud? We could go to a cafe.” 

“I don’t know…” 

“You have to eat something, Cloud, you didn’t touch your breakfast this morning—

Sephiroth halts, his iron grip causes Cloud to halt too, he coughs into his hand, pulling out a handkerchief from his pockets. His cheeks flush as his coughing continues, transforming into chokes… Cloud immediately grips Sephiroth’s shoulder, concern paints his features, and he pats his back, trying to help him maintain himself. 

“Sephiroth! Sephiroth, are you okay?”

His hand opens up and below balled up in the crumbled handkerchief are yellow flower petals, practically glowing, laying innocently in the palm of his hand. 

_ “What the hell is this…?!”  _

“Sephiroth, we should get you home, you aren’t well—c’mon, let’s go.” Cloud is jerked forward, the grip on his wrist is tight once more, and he winced at the pain it produced. In Sephiroth’s eyes again, that fire is back, his teeth are gritted, he looks as if he could spit on Cloud at any given moment; the core of Cloud’s stomach is shaken. 

“You know what this is, don’t you?” 

There is a lump in Cloud’s throat, he rapidly shakes his head. 

“Don’t lie to me!” 

Surrounding them, bystanders stop at their tracks to observe them, a couple of them begin to whisper among each other, others look uneasy. It leaves Cloud’s face burning. 

“Sephiroth, please… let’s talk about this at  _ home, _ ” Cloud says in a hushed tone, desperate to release himself from his grip. “I don’t know what that is, we’re going to the clinic to find out what it is,  _ please… _ ”

“Cloud?” A sweet, carefree voice fills the air, catching the two of them off guard, out of place in all the chaos. Sephiroth’s grip loosens and Cloud finally frees himself; he knows that’s going to leave a mark, there was already a bruise forming from that morning. Instinctively, he pulls the sleeve of his shirt over his wrist. “Cloud, that’s you, isn’t it?” He looks past Sephiroth to the man that approached them, his familiar spiky black hair immediately sticks out to him, then the blue of his incredible eyes. Zack Fair. His best friend. He is there, he is smiling, and despite that honey gaze of his, Cloud’s anxiety only rises. Zack is  _ there,  _ Zack intruded in a hectic moment and Cloud wants to hide in his shame. 

“Hey, Zack…” 

“Hey, I didn’t know you were here—I would’ve come sooner,” Zack laughs, it is heartwarming, though it is cut short as he notices Sephiroth, now turned to face him. “Hey, Sephiroth.” 

“Hello…” 

Cloud can tell by the monotone of his voice that Sephiroth is unamused by Zack’s appearance, the anxiety continues to build within his chest but he keeps shoving it back down, looking out ahead with a blank face. He is as stiff as steel.

“Everything alright?” Zack asks, Cloud rubs his wrist. 

“Everything is fine,” Sephiroth answers, not giving Cloud a chance to respond. He didn’t know what to say anyway, he didn’t feel right lying to Zack, but he knew he had to. It was just a brief altercation anyway, he’d survive. Or so Cloud tells himself. Zack didn’t need to know a thing, so in their little world, everything _ is  _ fine. And Cloud still loves Sephiroth. 

“I see… Are you guys hungry? I know a great place near here.” Cloud wants to respond, he wants to say yes, Zack brings upon tranquility that soothes him especially in times like this. He needs it, given everything that is going on. Zack provides a breath of fresh air, given that Cloud often holds it whenever he is near Sephiroth. Zack is exactly what he needs to relax but he knows his boyfriend wouldn’t be happy with this. 

“Ah, no… we should get going, Sephiroth isn’t feeling well—"

“We were just going to find a cafe nearby. Would you like to join, Zack?” 

Cloud’s stomach jumps, he turns to Sephiroth, eyes wide, mouth agape. There are no words but he feels like he must say something. He only manages to blur out one thing. “Are you sure?” 

“Great!” Zack beams. “Follow me, it’s just a couple of blocks away.” And to Cloud’s surprise, he spots a smile on Sephiroth’s face. The flips in his stomach are continuous. They walk in silence, every so often Zack comments about the weather, about the place they were going to, their coffee, how lucky they were to run across one another. Things like that. 

The small cafe appears when they round a corner, small tables line outside behind a fence, the trees on the side of the road provide them a wonderful shade, as their branches droop toward them. A couple is already sitting outside, sipping lattes. Cloud sighs. The day is perfect yet it seems practically impossible to inhale the scenery in, not with all the screaming going on in his gut. 

“Let’s sit outside! I’ll order our drinks, uh, what do you want, Sephiroth?” 

For Sephiroth, he wants a simple cup of coffee, nothing too special, he prefers it black. Cloud takes a while to tell Zack his order, not because he doesn’t know what he wants, but because the gears in his mind are grinding at a snail’s place. 

“Uh… latte… medium,” Cloud responds, with a meek voice, Zack flashes him a smile. 

“Comin’ right up!” 

Sephiroth continues to cough into his fist, petals flow down from his lips every so often, falling to the floor, Cloud tries to ignore it, staring at his hands, at the scenery around him, at anything besides Sephiroth, who coughs a fit into his handkerchief. Silver brows knit into a scowl and he looks at Cloud as if he wants to say something… but nothing came. Cloud wonders if Sephiroth is finally learning to behave himself in the public, there were a couple of others sitting among them. 

_ He must hate me, _ Cloud thinks. But wouldn’t that mean Sephiroth would no longer be around? 

_ No, no, don’t think about that. _

“Here you go,” Zack places Cloud’s latte down, in a white cup. He hands an identical cup of coffee to Sephiroth. From the looks of it, Zack also got a simple latte. The three sit under the shade, casually sipping their drinks, in silence, the only noise around them is the chatter of others, muffled music playing from inside the cafe, and the chirps of birds. 

“So… how’s everything been between you two? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.” 

“Y—yeah, it has,” Cloud takes the cup to his lips, taking a slow sip. “It’s been…” He turns Sephiroth, who watches them with an unreadable expression. “It’s been good.” He avoids making eye contact but he can still feel Sephiroth’s eyes on him. 

Zack is silent for a moment, his eyes scanning Cloud and Sephiroth back and forth, Sephiroth coughs again and he struggles to contain it; Zack seems to notice this. 

“Hey, Sephiroth, do you need a glass of water?” 

“No, it’s fine, I—” Sephiroth stands from his seat so suddenly that the table shakes, almost spilling their drinks; he shakes his head. “I’m sorry—I’m heading to the restroom, I’ll be back.” He heads inside, the music spills out, almost drowning out the door’s chime as he enters, the two of them are left alone. 

Cloud’s head hangs low, as he looks upon his latte, half-empty, till something bright and yellow catches his attention. Sitting in front of him, on the table, is a flower petal, but not just one,  _ several,  _ leaving a trail back to the discarded handkerchief that was left behind by Sephiroth. Cloud freezes, his blood turning cold, his face losing its feeling, and he gulps. Zack noticed it too. 

“What’s that?” Zack reaches out. 

“Wait, don’t do that, you could catch…” 

“Catch what?” Zack’s hand pauses midway in the air, hovering above a petal, he turns back to Cloud, their eyes lock in one another, Cloud can feel his breath leaving him. Zack’s eyes were always as blue as the sky. 

“It’s… nothing, Sephiroth’s going to the clinic for it, we’ll figure out what is happening to him. Can you please keep this between us?” 

“I see…” Zack pauses briefly. “Isn’t this that one flower disease?”

“Disease…?” 

“Whenever someone is having trouble in their relationship—with _ love _ —flower petals start to pop out of every orifice in their body, including their mouths… Nevermind, it’s kind of silly, it’s a myth, really…” 

“What kind of trouble?”

Zack pauses again, his fingers tapping against the table, his palm resting against his chin. He seems lost in thought. It makes Cloud nervous.

“One-sided love,” Zack finally answers, Cloud’s stomach drops. 

“I… I wouldn’t know anything about that, I love Sephiroth.” He rubs the back of his neck. 

“Cloud… what is that?” Zack hooks his fingers around Cloud’s sleeve, his wrist pokes out a bit, it catches Cloud by surprise. “It looks like…” The rings of bruises around his wrist slip out, Cloud quickly pulls his hand back. 

“It doesn’t look like anything!” He hisses, holding his wrist away, hiding the marks with his other hand. “This was a mistake, I need to go find Sephiroth, we’re leaving…!” Cloud bolts from his seat but feels pulled back by the sleeve of his shirt; Zack carefully yet firmly holds him back, as if he is handling fragile porcelain. 

“Cloud, you can talk to me…” He says, Cloud can feel the budding tears stinging his eyes. 

“I love him,” Cloud says, once more. “I know I do.” 

“Cloud… you’re my best friend.” 

Those words have Cloud turning his head back to look at Zack, their eyes meet again, and he swears, he could see a faint glow in Zack’s irises, shining so perfectly that it makes his heart skip a beat. It hurts to look at him but he couldn’t turn away.

“You’re… my best friend too, Zack.” And Zack smiles, it lifts Cloud’s heart, he could feel his head swimming in the clouds, surrounding him in euphoria. Zack was always his best friend, he’ll always remain his best friend, and he could tell by the look on his face that he is actually concerned. “What happens?” Cloud says. “What happens next?”

“You can tell me what’s really going on.” Zack’s hand never moves away, it slips down his sleeve, grasping his hand. Cloud holds it back, their fingers intertwining. “Cloud, I…” 

The chime of the door rings again, the music spilling out—Sephiroth is back, Cloud immediately drops his hand, the two of them resemble deer caught in the headlights, and Sephiroth stares. “Is something wrong?” Cloud shakes his head. “I see… We should get going.” Sephiroth approaches them, fishing out some money from his pockets, placing it on the table, he notices the petals and he frowns. “Cloud, let’s go.” 

“Right…” Cloud shuffles his feet as he walks to Sephroth’s side, passing by Zack, wanting to look back, to hold his hand again—anything. But he couldn’t. He knows he can’t do anything. Sephiroth heads toward the fence’s gate, Cloud right behind him. 

“Wait, Sephiroth,” Zack’s voice is stern, firm. “You forgot this.” In his hand is the crisp handkerchief, yellow petals still inside. Sephiroth glares but he does nothing but takes the fabric back, stashing it into his pockets. 

“Thank you…” 

Before they leave, Cloud and Zack make eye contact, Cloud desperate for an escape but Zack offers a friendly smile, an assurance. It is their last interaction that day and Cloud finds a yearning to be back there again with him. 

\---

The doctor couldn’t find an answer to what was wrong, they took the petals, they were going to run some tests, they mention offhand that they’re not the only ones experiencing this strange illness but they couldn’t possibly fathom what it is.

“Is it life-threatening?” Sephiroth asks, Cloud sits by his side, they hold hands but Sephiroth’s fingers feel icy cold against his skin. 

“We can’t say for certain till we get the test results back, in the meantime, we can offer you some medicine to help with your cough, it might not  _ cure  _ this but it will help maintain the symptoms,” the doctor says.

None of it sounds very promising, even if the doctor tried to sound as enthusiastic as possible. Sephiroth was in a bad mood the entire drive home but at least they got his medicine. 

“Do you want me to make you some tea?” Cloud asks as soon as they are back, he opens the bag of medication, he reads the instructions of the bottle. “Says here you should take it with food. I’ll get you something to eat, alright?” 

“Cloud, what is wrong with me?” 

“You’re sick, Sephiroth. You should take your medicine, I’m going to boil some water—”

“I don’t want to take any goddamn medicine, I want  _ answers! _ ”

Sephiroth raises his voice again, Cloud shrinks up, focusing on the bottle, he twists it in his grasp. He doesn’t know what to tell him, yet Sephiroth continues to look at him for insight. With a groan, Sephiroth sits, fishing out his mobile phone. “Cloud… you don’t love me, do you?” 

Cloud feels queasy. 

“I, uh… what do you mean?” 

“There are rumors about this...  _ condition _ , about what it actually is, what it really means. I just want to know one thing: did you ever really love me?” 

“The doctors don’t know what it really is, it could be anything…” 

“We’re not talking about the doctors, we’re talking about us, about why this is happening to me. You  _ do  _ know what is happening to me, I know you do…” 

Zack’s words keep repeating themselves over and over again in his mind. One-sided love. How Cloud often questions how he feels about Sephiroth every waking moment in his life. It leaves a painful lump in his throat and he doesn’t know how to react. Maybe Cloud does know what is happening to Sephiroth, but did he have the courage to tell him? 

“Your silence is telling.” 

“I honestly don’t know what it means, Sephiroth.” He sighs in defeat. “But we can fix it! We just gotta have hope. I know the doctors don’t know what’s going on but… you heard what they said. You’re not the only one who has this problem. We can find others, maybe a support group, we just...” Every word that falls from his mouth only shatters upon impact on the floor; nothing seems to be working, and the only person that he seems to be trying to assure at this point is himself.

“Does it look like I need a goddamn support group?”

“I… I don’t know.” It feels like a punch to the gut.

“You heard the stories: those who cough up flower petals eventually perish, turning into a flower garden beneath their feet. What causes this? Lost love— _ unrequited _ love. I need to know the truth. Do you love me or not?” 

“Y—you know what this is…?” Cloud seems taken aback, his response leaving at a squeak. His throat hurts a little. 

“There are rumors all over the internet, on blog posts—stories of experiences. No, I’m not the only one it seems, as you said.” Sephiroth gestures at his mobile phone. “But you refuse to tell me anything… I wonder why that is.” Yet something in his voice suggests that he knows exactly what is going on. Cloud finds it difficult to hold his head up. 

“I’m so sorry…” He whispers.

“ _ Cloud, _ ” Sephiroth rises from the table, slamming the phone down. “Tell me!” 

“I can’t… I’m sorry.” 

Sephiroth grabs the collar of Cloud’s shirt and smacks him across the face, leaving his cheek stinging in pain. Cloud stands there, lost in the shock, before the realization of what has happened seeps in. His hand presses against his cheek. 

“Oh no… Cloud, wait.” 

Cloud tears Sephiroth’s hand from his collar, he pushes him away, moving toward the bedroom. 

“Cloud, I didn’t mean it—I’m sorry!”

In a suitcase, Cloud piles upon his clothes, it didn’t matter which, he shoves in whatever he could find.

“Please, let me explain! I can’t live without you, please don’t go.” Sephiroth stands in the doorway, attempting to hold him black, Cloud pushes through him anyway. “Cloud,  _ you’re killing me!” _

“Enough!” Cloud yells, his eyes well up with tears but he blinks them away, refusing to let them spill. “I’m going to stay with Zack.” He didn’t know for how long, maybe forever.

“You love him more, don’t you?” 

Cloud doesn’t answer, he just opens the front door and leaves. 

“Cloud, wait!”

He refuses to look back.

\---

Zack had a piping pot of coffee brewing, while Cloud sat at the kitchen counter, shaking, rubbing the sore spot on his cheek. He wonders if it will leave a mark like the one on his wrist. His stomach churns, making him feel sick, he wonders if coffee is even a good idea at this point, but it might settle him down some. When it is done, Zack pours him a cup.

“Cream, please.”

Zack places it on the counter. 

“I'm sorry I didn’t tell you what was going on,” Cloud says. “I didn’t know what to say, not in front of him.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Cloud, you’re here now…” Zack’s grabs his hand, it is warm upon the touch, and Cloud shivers. He can close his eyes and be captured at this moment, yet the guilt seems to poison him, he couldn’t even fully enjoy it.

“Did I do the right thing…?” 

“Of course you did! That asshole was hurting you, you did what you could, you got away—it was the right thing.”

“He’s  _ dying,  _ Zack, those flowers? They’re killing him, he’s going to die and he’ll turn into more flowers, they’re swallowing him alive!” And it’s all his fault. 

“You can’t help how you feel, Cloud.”

“Maybe not…” He sips his coffee, while it is still hot. “But I feel like I could’ve prevented it, somehow.” Even when they’re miles apart, Sephiroth occupies his mind, he remembers Sephiroth’s soft touch, the tickle of his voice against his ear, and every good moment shared between them. When they are out. When they stayed in on cold days. When they spent holidays together… Maybe if he tries his hardest, he could fool himself into thinking he is in love again. Maybe he could save Sephiroth.

“Cloud, are you alright?” Zack thumbs his knuckles. 

“I—I don’t want him to die, Zack.” There is an ache in Cloud’s chest, a sob escapes his lips, all those tears he was holding back finally spill, he could no longer prevent it. “I think I do love him, Zack, how else am I feeling this?! Why can’t I stop thinking about this? I wish things were simpler, I wish he wasn’t sick. My love could cure him but I  _ can’t… _ ” 

And it hurts.

Zack didn’t say anything but Cloud would tell he was listening anyway, holding his hand tightly with every weep. It feels so good to cry but that doesn’t quell the pain. The pad of Zack’s fingers clear away his tears and Cloud inhales, his eyes close, he hiccups a little but he finally settles from Zack’s affection. 

“He can take care of himself,” he says. 

“And if he can’t?”

“If he can’t… then we’ll have to wait and see, it’s all we can do.” 

The guilt doesn’t leave, it only tones down, but he looks back at Zack, only one question behind his lips. “Did I do the right thing?” He asks again. 

Zack leans forward, pressing a kiss to Cloud’s cheek, dangerously close to his lips. He doesn’t say anything, neither does Cloud. The two of them sit in silence, drinking their cups of coffee. Cloud still wonders if he could save Sephiroth after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> i don't plan on continuing this! it is a one-shot, but i leave you with an open ending anyway. thank you for reading!


End file.
